My ass was dragged to Hong Kong for work five years ago and I’ve been addicted ever since. I strongly suggest you drag your ass there at the first opportunity. Here are just a few of the great things to do, see and buy in this insane metropolis. 

If I had only one sentence to describe Hong Kong it would be “Like New York on steroids.”

My good friend and fellow comedian Du Kirpalani grew up in Hong Kong so I enlisted his help creating a ‘must do’ list for Hong Kong. We lost count after 7,248 ‘must do’s’, so wefigured we’d just start with a few:

The Peninsula Hotel A Luxury hotel where you’ll see ladies having high tea and finger sandwiches. You’d swear you were in The Pierre, NYC or London. The fashion is fierce & these woman definitely give Madison Avenue ladies a run for the money.

You’ve got to stroll this swanky hotel during high tea (then go buy yourself a nice tea and a meal at a local joint for $2.35)

Next, you can walk right over to the polar opposite:

Chung King Mansion – A SUPER sketchy giant kind of indoor mall: Pakistani Prostitutes, Indian Prostitutes, Australian Pimps, Cheap electronic stores, hidden apartments with 12 people living in a one bedroom. Also has the best exchange rate for foreign currency.

Sam’s Tailor in Tsim Tsa Tsui (near Chung King Mansion) – People from around the world swear by his work which is making the best suit. Not expensive, but apparently the quality matches an Armani and no one can figure out the way he takes measurements. Sam’s clientele are super loyal and you will be too.

Let Sam be your tailor and YOU TOO, CAN BE A CHICK MAGNET.

 Metropol Restaurant – On a second floor, you probably won’t find anyone who speaks english. Hustle and bustle and amazing dim sum that will be of the highest quality and super cheap (for eating with a roof over your head) ***You know it’s good because it’s full of old local ladies. That’s one of my tip offs for good eats around the world, if it’s jammed with old local ladies you know it’s the real deal and a lot of bang for your buck. Nobody messes with old local ladies anywhere.

Foodies beware: You will have no self control, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

GREAT hiking all around HK – ‘The Dragons Back’ trail near Tai Tam is gorgeous. Also, The Big Buddha on Lantau Island – yes, of course tourists go, but it’s breathtaking and locals go all the time. The commute from HK island is amazing, you do a train through what would be like queens or an outer blue collar borough in NYC, then you do a tram to go up to the Buddha. HOWEVER, the adventurous people hike it, I’m dying to and haven’t had a chance. You’ll see random dogs wandering, the occasional cow and people wandering this hike. They all seem happy too. (I normally don’t trust happy people, but at The Big Buddha I do).

That Kardashian mom would totally try to buy this Buddha, but it’s not for sale.

This is more than enough to get you started in Hong Kong because you will get lost. A lot. And the places you end up when you’re lost will be even better than the places you meant to go…

Coming up next: Insider pass to Boston.
Want more? Check out Bernie on Crazytown.